?

Log in

Poetic Cuts.......
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in poetic_cuts' LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
6:06 pm
[a_sad_sad_soul]
pathetic little shit!!
-i wrote this today when i was in school:
i feel so drained. i dont want to be in school today. i had a panic attack yesterday during class, so i spent the whole day in the school's emergency room. i'm so tired. i feel like a walking corpse, i am the undead. i just need to be in my bed for the day, with a pillow and a warm blanket. i'm so cold. i just want to fall asleep and not wake up. i feel so alone. i hate myself! i;m fat and pathetic! i'm pointless. why am i even fucking here?! i just want to fade away. no one wants to talk to me anymore, i'm better off just six feet under. i haven't talked to any of my friends in so long, and all my boyfriend does all day is play diablo. i've completely withdrawn myself from the world. the only thing that i enjoy anymore is reading. it's been my only escape from this lithium fueled torment. i keep finding myself falling helpless onto the ground and bursting into tears. it happens so much now, i can't help myself. i'm pitiful. i haven't slept in so long, i just lay in my bed staring at the wall in a trance. i hate insomnia!

-my panic attack:
yesterday i was sitting down taking a test in my stupid business and personal finance class and then something just set me off. the called the school nurse when they noticed how much i was freaking out. they asked if i ate anything, i said no. then they asked if i had taken any drugs, and i said only my regular medications (i'm what you call straight edge now cuz i have too much shit wrong with me now). they tried to get me to eat some crackers, i just threw it up. i couldn't stop shaking, one minute i was sweating and the next minute i was freezing. i was screaming and crying. it took them two hours to calm me down, well at least enough that i could drive myself home. then when i got home i just burst into tears again and mike didn't know what to do with me. he just picked me up and put me onto my bed and wrapped me up in a blanket. then he stayed with me until i fell asleep.

-and now:
now that i'm awake i just feel sick, tired, and pathetic. i'm falling apart, i just want to fade away. i'm so sick of dealing with everything, i'm sick of waking up and having to live my miserable life. i hate taking time to try and make everyone around me happy, while no one's helping me! i don't understand why nobody can see how much pain i'm in, no one even cares that i want to fucking kill myself! i just don't see the point in trying anymore. i want to give up.

Current Mood: pathetic
1 Gash| Are You Suicidal?
Tuesday, July 4th, 2006
9:13 pm
[a_sad_sad_soul]
Are You Suicidal?
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
7:53 pm
[a_sad_sad_soul]
suicidal
i am beyond upset right now, but i dont even want to say why because i'll begin to cry (and no me and mike did NOT break up). i went up to my room and i got out all my knives and i was ready to just send myself to the hospital and that's when i froze. i found myself sitting on my bed with a knife pressing to my skin, but there was no blood. i was just sitting there, so pathetic. i was so ready to just lay there until i saw "the white light" and i just couldn't. i dont know what's wrong with me. i'm not scared of death, infact i want it to happen, and yet i can't bring it upon myself at this moment. i am so pathetic. i can't think at all. i can't even talk. mike's visiting his dad until thursday, so i'm all alone. i want to die. i disgust myself. i can't even look into mirrors anymore without feeling disgusted. i want to vomit. i wish mike was home. i can't stand myself. i need reassurance that i'm alright and going to make it. i've already died mentally. i cried in my room for three hours straight and then i got into my car and just drove for an hour crying the whole way. i just want this to stop. i feel so ligt-headed. it's a rush that i want to stop, i dont like it. i've cried so much that there's nothing left to come out. there's nothing and no on here for me right now. i want mike to came home, i need him. i haven't eaten in three days, and i'm not hungry. and i'm not even trying to starve myself. i have no motivation. i feel like a little teenage drama queen gone wrong. there's no hope. i just want to cut so deep right now, but for some reason i'm stopping myself. i dont know what's wrong with me. there's nothing left of me to faid away, i'm done........

Current Mood: indescribable
Are You Suicidal?
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
1:33 am
[hatelovefear]
Shroud
I am broken and I can not be fixed
The peices are shattered---Mainly the ones that I miss...
I vainly remember apathy of capacity---a little wish I call life---
But I eagerly o'wait my destnies fate, for whom I can not o'wake;---

My shrouded world of hate...

Amplitude my forgotful mind, shroud my corresponding signs
Shrine my suffering past for the man,
With the clock like hands, will take that of what is mine;---

Father time.
Are You Suicidal?
1:31 am
[hatelovefear]
Numb Feels Nothing Feels Something
Feelings...
What are feelings?
Is it something we touch?
Is it something we tast?
Is it something we see?
Is it even something at all?
Is it even for me?

When I look---my eyes bleed
When I touch---my hands bleed
When I bleed---I can see
Everything around me---everything
From the heavens to the sea
A world I feel---I feel nothing for me...

My heart dose not race.
When I hold someone tight
My soul dose not brace.
When I begin to see the light
I am empty---I am out of place
of the feelings I wish to tast.


Give me your feelings---I can not have
This empty hole---give me a plug
To cover up my numb soul...

I want to know, what it is you feel
So someday I will know---what its like
To heal one whole---please let me feel...

Numb---how can one feel numb
If numb feels nothing---Feeling nothing
is nothing to feel---When numb is nothing
You feel something.

My feelings I do have---but they hide
Like feeling sad---to ones self,
I am glad---I am greatful I feel
Nothing---something to feel
something to have...
Are You Suicidal?
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
9:19 pm
[a_sad_sad_soul]
i'm slipping....
i haven't written in a while because i haven't really had the motivation to do anything at all. after my suicide attempt mike wanted me to try and stop cutting, so i tried. i haven't cut since that event, but everyday that i'm not cutting i'm getting more upset. i'm slipping away. i need to cut again, but i dont want mike to know about it. is that wrong? my medication has stopped working. i'm becoming more and more depressed, my OCD and anxiety are off the walls. i used to do things in sets of four and i'm finding myself again locking the door four times, washing my hands four times, turning the car lights on four times. my OCD is comming back. also i can't sleep in my room anymore because i've convinced myself that there is an imbred in my closet. and i mean i'm literally convinced, i can't even go into my room alone. i'm freaking out completely. and also to make things better, on monday mike went to go visit his dad until this sunday so he's not guna be around until sunday. i'm slipping. i can't take it anymore!! i need to cut again!! i'm scared that if i dont cut soon then i'm going to flip out completely go over the edge. i want to cut to the point where i can see bone. all the way through my wrists. I'M SLIPPING!! HELP ME!!!

Current Mood: depressed
Are You Suicidal?
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
2:10 am
[hatelovefear]
EVIL
Everlasting
Evermore
Everybody
Everyday
Everyone
Everything
Everywhere
Everyway

Evidence of
Evil
Evoke
Evolution for
Execution

Victims
Very from
Vanity,
Vitality, and
Vivacity

Vigorous
Violence
Victor from
Variant

Isolated
Insanity
Instigate
Insecurity using
Insinuating
Insight

Insalubrious
Influene
Inject us to
Inhumanity

Lessions of
Liberalizations
Lessens our
Link to
Lugubrious
Life

Lucrative
Lies
Lunge a
Label hinting to
Lucifer

If you notice my poem spells evil in every way... Every two paragraphs has a new letter spelling...
Are You Suicidal?
Monday, March 27th, 2006
8:55 pm
[hatelovefear]
Profanity of Insanity
Time has come to an end
For all life to transend
To mend a broken heart
Watch my mind as it gose dark

What was I waiting for
Misery collapsed
Futures elapsed
I lost my soul and now I can't get it back

Transitive eyes
Transslander crys
To many sorrows
Unperfect questions
Unperfect whys

Give me the answer
I need the truth
My heart we explode
The world is hang by the sun's
Noose

I was just guessing
Nights and days
So little time
So many ways

Slowly I turned away
And killed everyone
Their pain was my truth
I had nothing left to gain

Let me stand alone on my mound of bones
Leave me be in my pain of passionate sorrows and borken homes
I walk on my isolated path way
Following no one as I slay

Give me death for what I have done
Cut me, hang me, shoot me with a gun
Create my world and kill me 3,000 times a day
Tell me I'm on the right path when I'm so far astray
Are You Suicidal?
Friday, March 24th, 2006
3:23 am
[hatelovefear]
Illusions
Endless thoughts of interior confinement
A streaming life called vagabond
I am like neoplasm and the world is like the body
I have no useful purpose but to be the antibody of an anthropomorphic world

It is a tragic thought to bare in mind
That we are unstable to realize we need nothing
I ask the questions of what we all want to know
And have concluded the answer...
...War...

We do not live in hell, nor do we live in heaven
We're not even living... we are all dead
When we no longer see the ones we love...
They are living...

A blind man can tell you how he sees the world
A mute man and can show you how he feels the world
I repent all life and quaff all their missteaks
For never listening, only being perfidy

I have opened my eyes to see through my illusions (Have you?)
Liquefy your thoughts, let them flow through
Empty your diminutive, dauntless minds
And crystalize your hearts

Push pass your cruxes and criterias
Wake up and harmonize your hellion soul
Inversionize what you have become
And bleed out your injustiful sanity

You will see... ...your illusions...
Are You Suicidal?
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
6:18 pm
[hatelovefear]
"Godless God" or "Eyes of an Eyeless God"
Jagged edges...
Dying pieces...
Falling angels...
Forgotten faces...

Hopeless dreams...
Mindless thinking...
Endless sorrows...
Lifeless souls...

Taint my eyes...
Color your heart...
Watch the moon glow...
Darker then bright...

Spin in place...
Steel the light...
Stare at the sun...
Piercing the night...

Hidden away
In forbidden pages,
Write the end,
Blood and pen.

Hanging hook of the sun,
Let me melt in the sand.
Falling moon of the wingless shadows...
...Show me how the gods die...

Look into my eyes,
The eyes of an eyeless god...
Look into my soul,
The soul of a soulless god...

Take my hands, take 'em away...
No more suffering, no more pain,
No more blood...
I'll shed my tears of rain.

I am the godless god...

Hanging hook of the sun,
Melt away what I have created...
Falling moon of the wingless shadows...
...Show me how the gods die...
Are You Suicidal?
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
5:02 am
[hatelovefear]
Hang me
Hang me from my halter
I'm so alone, I have no family and friends...
I lived my life, free of regret
Only to find my self hanging from my neck

Hang me high, hang me low
Hang me for all the world to know
Show them love, show them pain
God I wish it would rain

My life is pleading, my hands are bleeding
I can't go on, please forgive me
I am so alone, left sitting on my death throne
Spinning like a cyclone, my mind left unknown

Hang me high, hang me low
Hang me like a shadow show
Show them love, show them pain
God's smoking his cocaine

Tell them the truth, tell 'em why
I am left hanging in front of your eyes
I am alone, I am blind
Thank you, your so kind

Hang me low, hang me high
hang me over the public's eye
I want no one last breath
Gods laughing as I am put to my death

(God is talking)
He is hanging in front of you here today
For the following reasons I am going to say
Roll once, roll twice
And someday you'll pay the price
Being different, being nice
There only numbers on dice
A precise mind can be redefind
As mankind begins to unwind
But for him, he wanted to intertwine
With the things people had left behind
To be one with obliviousness
Good thing he wont be missed

Hang me low, hang me high
Hang me somewhere in the sky
Show me love, show me pain
God had finaly explain'd

Current Mood: Sorrow
1 Gash| Are You Suicidal?
Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
4:34 pm
[a_sad_sad_soul]
5 Gashs| Are You Suicidal?
2:44 am
[hatelovefear]
Understanding the Lost
Sorry I was lost
No one help'd me
Now I sit alone
Watch the hands
Turn close
I was left to be my own
Now I tie the noose

Let the blood drip
Closely now Kidd
Watch how I turn away
Leave you alone
Leave you in pain

Let me think
How can I be
If there is no one
Then run...
Just run...

Three ways
But only one way
Push me off
Push me away
Please let me stay
Dance in the rain
Thats what you would have wanted

Fun things
Come out and play
Never understand me
You'll lose your head
You'll go insane
Too many pieces are lost
Remember
You can't read me like a book
Read the words
Read what they say
Then lie down
And lose your mind
Someday
You'll find the meaning
You'll find the way
You'll understand
All the words I write

Why didn't I just
But now we can live
Wait for me
I'll come again
I'll come back
For you I never left

Swing me back and forth
Nothings moving
Feel my hands
Feel the cold
Cut the rope
Untie the noose
Bury me, I can cope

Current Mood: Sorrow
Are You Suicidal?
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
9:57 pm
[brokenspirt]
relapse
well i relapsed. six fucking months down the drain! why the fuck did i give in to the pain! my pride is torn from me and i am so broken it scares me. this represented so much more than just torn flesh. it represents my failer! i will never recover! it felt so good, the razor gliding across my skin. i loved it! but the that followed is still consuming me. and that is my battle. to stop breaking and move on. to recover from my down fall.

Current Mood: indescribable
2 Gashs| Are You Suicidal?
3:28 pm
[a_sad_sad_soul]
PICTURES!
a few pictures of only a few times that ive cut...they're all different times, i just tend to wear the same pj's ever night. hehe. i dont know how to put pictures under ljcuts so i just did it my way, hope you dont mind.
WARNING!! THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING!!
http://i2.tinypic.com/oqvwpc.jpg
http://i2.tinypic.com/oqvwyg.jpg
http://tinypic.com/oqvxv6.jpg
<3 lucy

Current Mood: crappy
Are You Suicidal?
Monday, February 27th, 2006
4:31 pm
[hatelovefear]
The lonely ones are the brave ones...
"Hang me"

Hang me from my halter
I'm so alone, I have no family and friends...
I lived my life, free of regret
Only to find my self hanging from my neck

Hang me high, hang me low
Hang me for all the world to know
Show them love, show them pain
"God" I wish it would rain

My life is pleading, my hands are bleeding
I can't go on, please forgive me
I am so alone, left sitting on my death throne
Spinning like a cyclone, my mind left unknown

Hang me high, hang me low
Hang me like a shadow show
Show them love, show them pain
"God's" smoking his cocaine

Tell them the truth, tell 'em why
I am left hanging in front of your eyes
I am alone, I am blind
Thank you, your so kind

Hang me low, hang me high
hang me over the public's eye
I want no one last breath
"Gods" laughing as I am put to my death

"He is hanging in front of you here today
For the following reasons I am going to say
Roll once, roll twice
And someday you'll pay the price
Being different, being nice
There only numbers on dice
A precise mind can be redefind
As mankind begins to unwind
But for him, he wanted to intertwine
With the things people had left behind
To be one with obliviousness
Good thing he wont be missed"

Hang me low, hang me high
Hang me somewhere in the sky
Show me love, show me pain
"God" had finaly explain'd

Current Mood: Sorrow
Are You Suicidal?
5:43 pm
[a_sad_sad_soul]
hi
umm okay well apparently i've been invited to be a new maintainer for this community. i dont even think i've ever posted in this community, i've just watched it for a while. i'm lucy by the way. i've been a cutter for five years. i started in seventh grade. the first thing that ever triggered my cutting was my parent's divorce, but i have been diagnosed with clinical depression, and emotional problems (i have problems coping with my emotions, they are way out of control and i have difficulty handeling them). i have tried suicide countless times, but was not successful. i go to therapy and am on numerous medications. i have pictures of my cuts but i dont know how to put pictures under ljcuts. so if anyone wants to see pictures then you can email me @ deadbird222@gmail.com, just tell me that you're from lj and that you wana see my pictures. or you can just talk to me if you feel like talking. you can get my screen names in my profile. okay well i guess i'll go now. umm and feel free to talk to me anytime. oh ya i'm 16 years old too. i'll post more later.
<3 lucy

Current Mood: blah
Are You Suicidal?
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
4:24 am
[hatelovefear]
I am...
"¿My soul takes it's toll?"

These faded walls are closing in behind me
Someone help! Someone please find me!
What am I to do
Look back and watch it all go black?

These dryless waves come crashing, I am traped in a cage
Chocking my life as I strugle to survie
My soul felt so cold as I faded away
Bliss with pain
Have I gone insane?

I stand alone
Please take me home
I don't belong
Do I think wrong?

These coldless fires burn me with desires
I am like the wind and cannot stop what I inspire (fire)
The flames grow with every concern
That if my heart stops, I'll never return (they want me to suffer)

My muted soul takes it's toll
As I'm lay'd to rest, barried in my hole (home)
On my tomb, I lay with the dead (my final words are)
"I never forgot what color I bleed"

I stand alone
Rotting flush and bone
Take me to my grave
I wanna go home

My name is Kris and I am a poet/song writer/guitarest...

"♠W.S.♠"

W-ith every breath I take
A-nd every step I make
S-hould there come a day, that
H-ysteria will rule away
I-nsomnia overwhelms the
N-ight, and so dose
G-uilt and pride

S-eparating from my heart
A-re the things that have torn apart
R-ecord this sympathatic pain
R-uthfulness is what I became
O-f all that was left
W-ashing away were my
S-arrows reign

Current Mood: Sorrow
Are You Suicidal?
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
11:20 am
[emoxxxedger]



break free... add them to your mix tape.
Are You Suicidal?
Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
7:45 pm
[fay_lostpoet]
Hello
Hello everyone. I'm new here, so i'll tell you a bit about myself. I've been a poet since i was little, but i'be been cutting for over a year now. I've tried to stop so many times, but it gets harder each time. I almost got sent to a mental health place for it too, but then i got my way out of that cuz i didnt want to be sent away because of this, i guess "addiction". I have over 300 cuts and scars on my body, and everytime i look at one the pain returns. Only one person has understood throughout this hard time, but it led to her starting too, and i blame myself for that. I dont know what to do. My other friend prays for me in hopes that "god" will make it better, i dont believe in praying. If there was a god, then it seems as if he doesnt care. I lie and tell my parents and brother that this cutting things is over, but its really not, its just hidden. A dark secret inside me. So i just wanted to join a community where people might understand me, unlike the rest of the world. I'm 15 years old, and a female. My name is Feather, but friends just call me Fay. I might not be updating alot here, but i'll update every now and then to let you guys know whats going on, and to read your entries too. I should get going now. Ciao
-f-

Current Mood: twitching eye
Are You Suicidal?
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com